Seeing Funny, Looking Funny
Chapter 4 of "Half-Blind"
[Previously in “Half-Blind”… we were introduced to James DeYoung in high school and then jumped ahead to adulthood soon after he moved to a new home in small town Vermont. In this chapter we’re back in the high school days.]
Gulfstream Beach, FL ~ 1993
It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse. -Adlai Stevenson
James looked up from doing his homework on the couch when his mother came home. “Hey Mom, I heard back from Kmart. I got the job!”
“Oh, good, Jimmy, I knew you would. Your first ‘real’ job. What will they have you do there?”
“I’m not sure yet. Probably stocking shelves. Maybe they’ll let me turn on the Blue Light. I was obsessed with that thing when I was little,” James said.
“Well, it’s been a big month for you. Turned 16, got your license, started volunteering, and now a job too. Just make sure you keep up with your school work.”
“Yeah, I think it’ll be OK, especially now that basketball is done. That was the worst,” James said.
Ruben came home from work a few minutes later.
“Hey Dad, I got the job at Kmart. I start tomorrow.”
“Oh good, now you can pay for insurance and gas, so you can get to your job that enables you to pay for insurance and gas. Welcome to the rat race, son.”
“Thanks, I guess.”
The next day after school James donned a short-sleeve, button-down shirt and a knit tie, and drove his hand-me-down beat-up Datsun across town to the Kmart.
He made his way in and found the large, big-haired, well-dressed woman he interviewed with last week. “Hello Ms. Brown. I’m here to report for duty.”
“Hello Jimmy. You can call me Pamela. We’re happy to have you on board. Joe here is my assistant manager. He’ll show you how to clock in and out and get you set up with your badge and paperwork and show you the ropes. Joe knows everything about everything, so don’t hesitate to ask him, right Joe?”
“Yep.”
“You can come to me with anything you need, but I’m just here to tell people what to do. Joe’s the real expert.”
“True,” said Joe. “Come on, kid.” Joe was a man of few words, but walked faster than anyone James had ever known. He led James to the breakroom and handed him a bunch of paperwork.
“Read that stuff. Sign at the bottom,” Joe said.
“OK.”
“Name’s Jimmy, right? That what you want on your badge?”
James hadn’t thought of it before, but suddenly Jimmy didn’t sound right. He just finished writing his full name on his tax form. “James. Put James on my badge please.”
Joe glanced over with a raised eyebrow and a crooked smile. “How about Sir James, since you’re already getting all fancy on us?”
‘James’ did sound a little too grown-up to him at the moment. “Yeah, now that you mention it, let’s do ‘Jim’.”
“Jim it is. Welcome to the big leagues, Slim Jim,” Joe said, typing three letters into the label machine.
Growing up everyone called him Jimmy, but with his mom’s name being Jamie, there was often confusion in the house. From that day on he preferred Jim, until he finally upgraded to James after college. But he would forever be known as Jimmy to those who knew him as a kid.
“They call me Big Joe here. Now we got a Slim Jim. Let’s go see how bad the office supply aisle looks. Stick with me kid and you’ll know this store like the back of your head,” Joe said.
“Don’t you mean ‘back of your…’ Oh nevermind.” James hustled after him.
“So what’s wrong with your eye, kid?” Joe asked as they crossed the store.
“Oh nothing. Or actually, everything. It’s blind. Always been that way. Not a big deal to me though.”
“OK, as long as you can see those boxes of pens up on the top shelf. Come on, let’s go get the stocking ladder. It’s got wheels, but no messing around. Katie Did nearly killed an old lady with it last week, riding it down the housewares aisle. Took out a bunch of toasters on the end cap too.”
James tried not to laugh. “Who’s Katie Did?”
“Short, redhead gal. Curly hair. About your age, I guess. A little crazy.”
“Oh, is that Kate DeMoss? She lives up the road from me.” James and Kate went to the same elementary school growing up, but she departed for the public school system when they entered sixth grade. Back in fifth grade, his sister said Kate had a ‘secret crush’ on James, who steadfastly ignored any and everything to do with girls at the time. “I didn’t know she worked here.”
“She does a little, at least. But she won’t for much longer if she keeps it up.”
~~~
A week later James had put in a few shifts at Kmart and was getting familiar with the store. As he was restocking the office supply aisle a customer approached him.
“Excuse me, young man,” a tall middle-aged man in a bright green shirt said. “Can you help me find a refill for a Cross Pen?”
“Of course, I’d be happy to,” James said, placing the last of the notepads on the shelf. “They should be right over…” As he spoke, he turned and faced the customer, and seeing his face, lost his thought. “Oh.” He blinked a few times in confusion as he searched the man’s face.
“I’m sorry, over where?” the man said.
“Yeah, um, sorry.” The spell lifted, but not before it left its mark. James looked down. “Uh, over here, I think. Let me see if they’re in stock. If not I can look it up for you.”
“Thank you.”
“Yes, here they are. Do you know what size and color you need?” James suddenly felt an urge to either run away, throw up, or both.
“I’ll take a look myself,” the man said. “Thank you for your help.”
Released from obligation, James mumbled “You’re welcome” and immediately headed toward the break room, eyes down on the floor, ignoring any other potentially needy customers. Looking at his watch he was relieved to see it was almost his break time anyway. He collapsed in a folding chair at the breakroom table and put his head in his hands. “Really?” he asked himself.
“Hey, Jimmy. Uh, I mean Jim. You OK?” Kate was retrieving a bag of Skittles from the snack machine. She sat down across from James.
“Oh hey Kate. I don’t know. Did you see that tall guy out there? Looking for pen refills.”
“With the green shirt? A little funny looking?”
“Exactly.” James looked her in the eye.
“Oh.” Kate looked away. “Jimmy, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it that way. I just don’t think of you… I mean, I’m used to… You see…”
“That’s the thing, Kate,” James said, his anger and shame rising simultaneously. “I don’t see. I don’t see like everyone else, which has never been a big deal to me. One bad eye, one good eye. Fine. Whatever.”
“OK, then what’s the problem?”
“The problem isn’t how I see, it’s how I look. I don’t know why its taken me 16 years to figure out I look funny, with this stupid blind eye trying to look wherever the heck it wants to. Lazy eye. Wandering eye. Whatever you want to call it. I’ve known it, but I’ve never seen it, until I saw that guy.”
“It’s not that bad, Jimmy. I don’t even notice it any more.”
“Oh yeah? So you’re telling me I don’t look like that guy?”
“Well…” Kate floundered.
“I mean it looks like he was kicked in the head by a horse, or has brain damage, or is retarded or something. He could be the smartest guy in the world, but he looks stupid. He looks funny. You just said it.”
“Yeah but I didn’t mean it that…”
“It doesn’t matter what you meant. You’re right. He looks funny. I look funny too. No wonder nobody looks me in the eye. I guess I’m doomed to wander the earth looking funny my whole life. No wonder the Cyclopses ate people.”
“Woah there Jimmy. Jim. Whatever,” Kate said. “Here have some Skittles. Enough with the drama queen routine. You want a Coke or something?”
“No, thanks.”
“Sure you look different but what’s the big deal? I like how you look.” Kate said. James looked at her, eyebrows raised. After a moment, she continued, “You know, I’ve never admitted this to you before, but I totally had a crush on you when we were little kids.”
James looked away. “Yeah, I know. Becky told me.”
“Oh. Anyway,” she reached her hand out toward him, “I had a crush on you because you were super cute and super nice. You weren’t a jerk like the jocks and you weren’t super weird like the loser kids. I didn’t care that your eyes didn’t look the same direction.”
They sat quietly for a bit, listening to the hum of the Coke machine.
“I guess I’m saying it would just be nice to look normal,” James said.
Kate put her other hand on the table, reaching both toward James. “What’s normal anyway? I see your good eye looking at me and I know that’s you. Sorry, but I say screw that stupid bad eye. It’s never done you any good, has it?”
“I guess not,” James admitted.
Kate stood up and came around to the other side of the table and sat next to James, their knees touching. “You know what? When I had to change schools I cried and cried. I didn’t want to leave my friends, but I also didn’t want to leave you. I was crushing on you so hard. But that was what, 6 years ago? I know we live pretty close, but until last week I almost forgot about you.”
She passed him the Skittles and he took a few in the awkward silence.
“I guess what mean is that I’ve missed you, Jimmy.”
“I guess I’ve missed you too, Kate. You were super cute back in 5th grade too,” James said. “Still are, I guess.” He stared at the Skittles bag.
“See, I told you. That good eye works pretty good. Come here.” She half stood up from her chair and leaned toward James. He thought she was going in for a kiss, and she was, but not quite. She stopped, put her hands on his ears, looked in his good eye, and pulled him toward her lips, gently kissing first his good eye, and then his bad eye.
“You’re still cute too, I guess.” Kate said, winking at him.
Joe burst into the breakroom and they scattered like mice, sending the Skittles flying. “OK, you two, break it up. No shenanigans on the clock.”
“Just taking a break and enjoying some Skittles, Big Joe,” Kate said, a little too loudly.
“OK, Katie Did,” Joe said, mimicking her exaggerated tone. “Get back out there, lovebirds. The toy aisles are a disaster.”
James was too stunned to say anything. He went back onto the floor in a trance, wondering to himself if a peck on the eye counts as a first kiss.
~~~
This is the latest chapter of my novel “Half-Blind” which is being published on Substack serially. Subscribe to read on!