Progressive Eye Care
Chapter 10 of "Half-Blind"
Woodbridge, VT ~ 2018
I can see clearly now the rain is gone. -Johnny Nash
Melody returned from yoga class and grabbed the mail on her way in the door.
“Hey, babe, did you order something from Amazon? Looks like a book,” she said.
“No, I don’t think so, but let’s see.” James opened the bubble mailer. Out slid a paperback book James had never heard of: Fixing My Gaze: a scientist’s journey into seeing in three dimensions by Susan R. Barry.
“What the…? Did you order this? Of all days to get something like this,” James said.
“No, I didn’t.” She stopped and looked at him. “What do you mean ‘of all days’? Are you OK?”
“Well it’s been a crazy morning. Good news and bad news, I guess.”
“OK, let’s hear the good news,” Melody said.
“I got a call from the New York Times guy. He’s recommending my piece, and maybe 10 others, for a major show, and he wants to interview me too.” He gave her a crooked smile and half-shrug.
“What?! See, I told you! This is amazing. I’m so proud of you.” Melody couldn’t stand still. “Wow.” She hugged him tight.
“But there’s bad news?” she said.
“Well, first of all, the show is in Boston,” James said.
“So?”
“You know how much I hate going to Boston!” James spread his arms, but smiled. “Whoever laid out the roads in that place must have been in a seriously vindictive mood that day.”
“Who cares? This is an awesome opportunity!” Melody said. “Don’t worry, I’ll drive. I’ve got a smaller blind spot anyway, right?”
“Ha, true,” James said. “Anyway, that wasn’t the actual bad news.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah, my vision has been blurry all morning, and it’s freaking me out. I’ve never had anything like this before. Maybe no big deal, but I don’t have a backup, you know,” James said.
“Oh no, really? Like, how blurry?”
“Not too bad. I can make everything out but its like looking through a foggy window a bit. And I think its getting worse already.”
“Well you need to call your eye doctor right away. You know he prioritizes the ones with ‘monocular vision.’ I bet he’d see you this afternoon,” Melody said.
“Yeah I just got off the phone with Dr. Goodrich. I’m going in at 3 this afternoon.”
“Oh good. I’m sure he’ll get to the bottom of it. Don't worry babe. I’m so excited for you!”
“Yeah, me too, I guess,” James said as he looked down at his new book. “Fixing My Gaze, huh? I wonder where this came from.” He looked in the padded envelope and found a printed gift receipt and message: “James, I recently listened to this book, as a friend of mine is the author. I found it fascinating and thought you might too. Perhaps it will help you see all the more clearly. Yours, Edward.”
“What is he getting at? A book with the subtitle that says ‘seeing in three dimensions’? He knows one-eyed people can never truly see in three dimensions,” James said as he tossed the book onto the couch. “I’d settle for one good eye at this point.”
“Well Edward knows you better than most, so whatever he found in there has got to be good. Plus I’m sure Dr. Goodrich will help. Maybe you have dry eye and just need some drops or something?”
“Yeah, I hope so. How was yoga, anyway?”
“It was good, as always. I feel more myself again,” she said. “Hey, should I drive you to your appointment?”
“No, I’m fine to drive. If I need you I’ll call.”
James made his way to Progressive Eye Care, which was in a small medical office building across from the hospital. He found it dark and empty, although he saw a light on down the hall.
“Hello? Dr. Goodrich? Are you back there?”
“James, yes, come on back,” Dr. Goodrich said as he walked toward the front. “There’s no one else around, but I can take a look. If it’s an urgent issue the sooner we address it the better, and I’d hate for you to have to wait for hours at the Emergency Department just for them to send you to me anyway.”
“Thanks so much.”
“So, tell me what’s going on.”
“Yeah, it’s been weird. Yesterday, like every other day, my vision was fine. Clear as a bell, at least from my left eye of course. But today I woke up and everything was a little blurry. And I think its getting a little worse as the day goes on. Not terrible, but it has me concerned of course.”
“Yeah, better safe than sorry,” Dr. Goodrich said, “especially since the one is all you have. So tell me, anything unusual happen yesterday or last night? Any new prescriptions? Narcotics? Alcohol? Fistfights? Sharp blows to the head?”
“No, none of that. Nothing unusual at all,” James said. “Nothing I can think of.”
“OK, good to know. Put your chin on this device here and relax. I’ll take a look.”
Dr. Goodrich went through the usual battery of tests. “Well, everything looks beautiful from here. I could dilate your pupil to get a better look though.”
“Sure, whatever it takes.”
“OK, lay back and I’ll put these drops in. It’ll feel a little funny at first.”
James, instinctually protective of his only good eye, always had a hard time with eye drops. This time when it hit home it stung a little, and then felt like a huge weight laying on his eye.
“Oh my, that feels weird,” James said.
“Yes, sorry about that. It should pass soon.”
“I...I don’t feel good at all.” James felt like he was going to throw up. He started sweating profusely, a rush of blackness quickly overtook him, and he was out. Dr. Goodrich had to jump over to catch him before he slid off the reclining chair, to prevent a 200 pound sack of potatoes crashing to the floor.
“Well shit, this isn’t good,” Dr. Goodrich said under his breath. Then louder: “James! Wake up, buddy. Are you OK? Come on James. Open your eyes for me. You had some sort of reaction to the dilation drops. Come on now. Not a great time for this, with no one else around.” He reached for his phone to call for help when James suddenly came back around.
“Woah, I had some super weird dreams. What happened?” James was clammy and cold.
“You had some sort of reaction to the dilation drops, but your color is coming back now. Anything like that ever happen to you before?”
“Well I’ve passed out donating blood. And I threw up when I watched the doctor fishing around Melody’s spine when she had an epidural for one of the kids. That was a classic moment.”
“Well this is a new one on me. Stay right there and I’ll get you some water. Relax as best as you can.”
“Uh, Dr. Goodrich, my vision is really blurry now. What’s going on?”
“No worries. The drops made it into your eye before you passed out, so the dilation is taking effect. If you’re up for it I might as well take a look, as long as you promise to stay with me. Here, drink some water.”
“Oh right. Yeah, go for it. That’s what I’m here for.”
Dr. Goodrich completed his exam. “Well, once again everything looks as it should be. Your cornea, lens, and retina all look great, and what I can see of the optic nerve looks fine too. Whatever is causing this, it’s not your eye.”
James looked confused, then a little angry. “Are you suggesting this is all in my head?”
Dr. Goodrich paused for a moment and then smiled. “Well, technically your eyes and brain and the connection between them are indeed all in your head, but I know what you mean. I’m not saying anything besides your eye looks good to me.”
“Then why is my vision blurry?” James asked.
“I don’t know. Yet. But I’ll do some research this weekend, and I want you to come back on Monday to see how things are going. It could be a migraine coming. Or are you under any unusual stress lately?”
“Just good stuff going on, besides this of course. Does stress affect vision?”
“It can. What your eye sees and what your brain perceives can often be two different things. There’s a lot of steps in between seeing and seeing, if you know what I mean. I can help with the first, but there’s a lot leading up to the second that remains a mystery.”
“Do you think it could have anything to do with having only one eye? Could poor Lefty be getting tired of carrying the weight? Or maybe Righty is finally trying to get into the mix?”
“I doubt it, but its always possible. I’ll take that into consideration as I do my research. But for now let’s call Melody to drive you home. You can leave your car parked here for the weekend. I’ll be unavailable Sunday, but I want you to call me first thing Monday morning. Go home and get some rest in a dark room. Drink plenty of water. Try to relax. Don’t let your fears, which are of course natural, take over and turn into a vicious cycle. You’re going to be OK.”
“Thanks. I hope so.”
When Melody picked him up she was shocked at how bad he looked, but she tried not to let on. As they made the short trip home, she glanced over at him.
“Are you OK?” she asked.
“No, no I’m not. I’m terrified, in fact. What if this is it?”
“What if this is what?” she asked.
“What if...my one good eye is finally going bad? What if I won’t be able to see you or the kids clearly any more? What if I can never take photos again?”
“Hey, try not to get too far ahead of yourself. Dr. Goodrich will get to the bottom of it. You’ll be OK, love. I’m sure of it.”
“Yeah? I guess I’ll have to take your word for it, instead of believing the voices in my head,” James said.
“Good idea.” They pulled into the driveway and she turned to look at him. “I want to pray for you now, OK?” One of the things James admired most about his wife was her faith, which she was never afraid to express, especially in praying for others.
“Yeah, that would be good, thanks.”
She put one hand over his eye and held the back of his head with the other. “Dear Jesus, when you came to earth you healed the blind all the time. And you opened the eyes of our blind hearts when your love came to us. So I give you my half-blind husband and ask you to heal whatever is going on with his good eye.” She moved her hand to his other eye. “Heck, Lord, I ask you to heal his bad eye too, if you want. Whatever happens, I ask you give him your peace that is beyond our understanding in his mind, body, and spirit. Heal and help him I pray. Amen.”
“Amen. Thanks, Love,” James said.
“Does it look any better? Do you feel any different?” Melody asked.
“Well I think these drops are still doing their thing, so I can’t tell yet. But we’ll see. Or we won’t, I guess. I need to lay down now.” James opened the car door. “And by the way, I’m not sure its a good idea to pray for my bad eye.”
“Why not?” Melody asked. “I thought you’ve always wanted to see clearly out of both eyes.”
He thought of those conversations with Edward long ago, and the many times he re-read the stories of Jesus healing the blind. In this moment he identified with the poor guy who blurted out help my unbelief.
“Well Melody,” he said, “right now I think that would cause more problems than it solved. Let’s work on one at a time, at least. I’ve been there, done that, to some extent at least, and it didn’t go too well.”